As a lady in her early 40’s, I don’t get invited to many weddings anymore. I remember my wedding was one of many we attended that year. We were in our late twenties, and people were getting hitched left and right. It was a whirlwind of dresses and flowers, topped with cake and dancing. I am not complaining. I love dressing up and being around celebrations. The lull in weddings started as we aged, and most people settling down and moving on to the next phase in life.
Two weeks ago I was at my best friend’s wedding as her bridesmaid, and this past weekend I was able to see another close friend get married. While I sat through the ceremonies, each unique and charming, I started to think about my nuptials from 11 years ago. We chose these words that represented hopes and dreams, as well as promises to each other. Our hearts young for each other. I look back at the profound words we shared and think how young they sound. As life ticks away there is so much more grit than I thought there would be.
We butt heads; we fight and he makes me cry. I have to laugh after I type this, we truly have something magical, and despite driving each other up the wall, he is my person. To me, there was a distinct difference in our relationship after we got married. Maybe not right away, or even the first year or two. Though with time the idea of only being with one man forever settled in. I’d have to hear his snoring for the rest of my life and beg him to dance with me at every occasion. He is the most forgetful person I know, and the worst gift giver to ever walk the planet. I’m painting a great picture of the love of my life, aren’t I? My point in doing so is that after marriage all the qualities you ignored or foolishly thought you could change become obvious. It’s the long haul baby, buckle up.
I watched these gorgeous brides primed and primped for the day, walk their lovely dresses towards their men. I thought you’re in it now sister, the good the bad and the ugly. If you can find a way to multiply the good, laugh at the bad, and chase away the ugly, maybe even embrace a bit of chaos and own your differences; you will enjoy this ride as much as I have.
Marriage is the real deal. I built this nest with my husband. We maintain it together no matter the weather. It’s different now, all these years later. It’s not always cake; life’s little ups and downs make sure of that. I look at these couples starting their lives together, even if they were together years before, it is different after marriage for some reason. I’m not sure why. It’s this feeling inside that says it is.
When I first was married the word love fit. It’s not how I feel anymore though. The word love seems too small. Like there should be a word so much bigger than these four letters to describe how I feel about him and this life we have together. That single word cannot describe how safe and accepted he makes me feel and how much I appreciate his everything. Love is too small of a word. I don’t think there is a word that could fill in for something so encompassing and genuine.
Melisa Peterson Lewis 