When I was a pre-teen I used to take those ridiculous quizzes found in magazines. It would tell me who the perfect boyfriend would be or which New Kid On the Block I should marry. As an adult I find these quizzes to be pointless, and completely fabricated. Until I came across The 5 Languages of Love by Gary Chapman. This was recommended to me by my therapist over a year ago when my husband and I were in a slump. By slump I mean I wanted to smother him with a pillow while he slept because everything he did drove me crazy.
All joking aside, I took the FREE online quiz and then had him do the same. The results were to be used as a tool to determine your emotional communication preference. In other words, how do I want my spouse to show me he loves and appreciates me; to put it simply. There is a book that can go along with this, however, the information online was very helpful.
The quiz is rather short, taking me less than five minutes to get results. Note, they asked for my email address but I have never been solicited from them. I answered each question honestly and even doubted a few of my answers, however, the results were very spot on. Here were my results in order:
- Acts of Service rated the highest with 11 points
- Quality time was second with 8 points
- Tied with five points each was Physical Touch and Words of Affirmation
- Receiving Gifts only received one point
Acts of service were rated high for me because as a stay home parent I feel like I do a lot around the house and with the kids. When I see my husband participate in these chores, it is such a relief to get help and take a break. It tells me he recognizes I need him to participate more often. Do the dishes, do the laundry, it’s better than any gift you could wrap up. Quality time was also high because with three kids my husband and I rarely get time alone.
With this information, we determined he would help out with specific chores I have a hard time getting to. It slips sometimes, but for the most part, he has taken on a few extras. We also decided that even though babysitters are expensive, they are necessary for us to stay connected. Date night and activities with friends without the kids has helped us reconnect.
Now, wait a minute, my husband also took this. I won’t divvy into his psyche too much, but I was curious to see Words of Affirmation ranked very high for him. He likes to know that I appreciate everything he does for me and our family. He works hard, I know this, but I wasn’t voicing it. Still today I find myself giving him words of encouragement and thanks.
Happily, giving gifts was very low for both of us! That relieved a lot of pressure on us for holidays and birthdays. Our new tradition is to design customized VANS for each other’s birthdays. It’s been fun.
Valentine’s Day is approaching. I wanted to share something that I believe really helped our marriage. It opened the door to important conversations and helped me realize that sometimes I was trying to show support for my spouse, and was completely missing the mark. I highly recommend checking this site out with your significant other and if your questions aren’t answered by the description online, there is a book that goes into a lot more detail.
Melisa Peterson Lewis 