It’s been two-and-a-half years since I’ve been home with my now two and a half-year-old and five-year-old, while my seven-year-old was in school. A nanny comes twice a week so I can write and take a little time for myself (you know to do things like getting a mammogram). I’m getting the itch to get back to work lately. I miss other people giving me assignments and carrying them out with care. Believe it or not, I miss the stress of deadlines and pushing myself to succeed. Peer involvement lacks when you’re home with little ones. Even with a few stay home parent friends, it’s different from the work environment.

Here are the facts I’m trying to weigh with financial responsibility being a big factor. I would like to return part time, but to work part time I need to have the kids watched by a preschool/daycare/nanny, which costs money. Whatever job I take needs to make a profit after I pay the childcare bill.

My writing will suffer. I’ve enjoyed blogging twice a week about my garden, book reviews, the writing process, and my mental health, but that would take a hit if I returned to work. The novel I’m working on will also slow down. My real passion lies there. The first draft is so close! I want to pour myself into it and get it ready for the query process or self-publishing. Still not sure which. And to fellow writers, I know draft one is just one of the many steps before the book is complete, but it’s a big step I haven’t been able to complete yet.

Time away from the kids is both good and bad. I miss them when they aren’t around, but I’m not giving up time spent with them for free time. It’d be working. I need to find the right fit. Something that speaks to my creative heart while allowing me a flexible part time schedule. Ha! Is that job out there?

Disclosure: I am not looking to do sales. There are so many ads posted for sales positions. I want my weekends and evenings free for family time. If I wait another three years (hello, that sounds like forever) I’ll be in a position where my kids are in school almost full time and I can dive deeper into my writing. Do more volunteer work that may lead to paying gigs. Can I wait that long? I’m not sure. Adulting in the business world calls.

I’ve considered recruiting, it’s always been enjoyable to talk to strangers, hear their story, and connect them to the company. We’ll see, this might be my best bet. I have a master’s degree in human resources just sitting on my shelf.

This is leaving me anxious and overwhelmed. I cannot afford our nanny part time in the fall with two children in preschool. The two-year-old will only go for two-and-a-half hours a day, twice a week. What the hell am I supposed to do in that short amount of time? My husband had to buy a new truck, so that’s another few hundred a month we weren’t expecting. We aren’t counting every penny, but I’ve learned from past mistakes. I will never overstretch our budget again.

Our budget is another area of anxiety. My husband thinks we’ll be fine while I’m freaking out and telling him we can’t afford new sneakers for all the kids this fall. We can, but I know it’ll cost a few hundred dollars between shoes, clothes, and school supplies.

So lately, I’ve been a bit of a stress case. I need a vacation (an affordable one). I need the perfect job to apply myself to. I also need to lose five pounds, since I’m putting my desires out to the universe, why not cover all the bases?

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