There was a time in my life where I would search for that perfect altered state. A concoction of a few things, taken in order, timed perfectly, could result in a happy state of mind with a sidecar of levitation. One wrong step however, and I would end up too far from my goal, which could result in the spins or worse yet, being sick. When I was in my late teens and early twenties experimentation was mostly for fun, I don’t believe I ever took things too far, or dabbled in substances I couldn’t return from. Usually I had a good control over the situation, however I did throw up in a plant that one time. Haven’t we all been there at least once?
Sometimes I wonder if this as self-medication. Honestly, I think I was being a typical youngster just playing around. However, as time went on, and my anxiety grew, I found that altering my mind became less fun. In fact, my anxiety would heighten any feelings that foreign substances created. I became uncomfortable when I couldn’t think clearly.
This doesn’t mean my rebel days are behind me. Picking up a nice dark brew and sitting by the bonfire with friends is perfect. Let the silly stories roll off our tongues, that get looser as the night flows forward.
Another reason I have slowed down my drinking is, calories. What a huge difference not drinking during the week has made on my waist line! This might be a vain reason, but it’s still legit to me.
For the record, I did drink maybe one too many margaritas at book club last week. It was a lot of fun, so much so that I didn’t mind the headache and dumb feeling I had the next day. I also plan to go to a Phish show later this summer, so . . .
The past is never too far behind us. I don’t judge. If you are a productive human, show kindness to others, and are responsible when you drive, I’m not judging. I know what works for me, and being in control is my new rebel state of mind.
My response to The Daily Prompt: Rebel
Melisa Peterson Lewis 